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Anxiety, Thoughts and You

I’ve been spending the last week trying to figure out where my life is going. I’m 30 years old and I am so lost that I feel 20 again. I just am not sure what I want anymore as over the last 10 years I have gotten nothing I have truly wanted. I went to school to get a job I would love, only to be pushed into over $100,000 in debt and no job. I gave up finding a man so that I could try to get a career, I have no man, I have no family, the only thing I have truly ever wanted. I guess I’m just tired of people asking me why I don’t have these things.

Reality: I feel like a failure

No wonder I have anxiety, I’m just not seeing a light  at the end of this tunnel. I actually broke down and told my mom “If I can’t get this figured out, get bankruptcy on everything or something I think I’ll just shoot myself!” Her response, “I’m in the same mess too” Yeah, I have a horrible support system. The rest of my family doesn’t care, they have their happy life’s. They don’t want to help and don’t care to, it’s all on me as always. I just don’t know if I can keep this up much longer.

Not that I’m going to do anything crazy, but if it comes down to it I will threaten to, just so I can get help. I can’t afford it, but maybe if I try to someone will hear me.

I don’t enjoy anything anymore, nothing makes me happy. I’m lost

You: The upside

I want to thank the few of you who do read this blog, without you I don’t think I would be able to do as much as I have and still be sane. I write my thoughts down and I get support, not hurtful comments, not drama I don’t care about and not a “well poor me” response. That is what I receive from my friends and family. They just don’t get that sometimes I just need them to shut up and listen.

You do and I thank you.


Photo taken from http://www.memyselfanxiety.com/controlling-anxiety/living-anxiety-test

5 thoughts on “Anxiety, Thoughts and You

  1. First of all, I’m sorry your family isn’t more supportive. Everyone has problems, yes, but that doesn’t make your problems any less meaningful to you. Second, I know what it is like to feel like a failure. I just turned 38 and really haven’t accomplished much in my life. At least that’s how I think. I know it’s not true, but it’s how I feel most days. It’s a hard feeling. I have no good advice, I just want to let you know that you were heard and understood. For me, that always means a lot.

  2. For what it’s worth you are not alone. Over 50 million people have student loan debt, over 100,000 people are having their social security garnished for student loan debt and rising. There is more student loan debt out there than credit card debt. Check out studentloanjustice.org and become an advocate for return of bankruptcy and consumer protections to student loans. The best thing you can do is put your federal govt loans into income based repayment and then after 20-25 years the rest will be forgiven. If you can get a govt job they could potentially be forgiven after 10 years, but there are a lot of hoops to jump thru for that.

    Check out Suze Orman as this is a regular problem nowadays, although until bankruptcy protection is restored the best you can do is the income based repayment option. Unfortunately that is not usually an option with private loans.

    It looks like you are creative with making extra money thru these blogs and hopefully you can eventually pay off the loans, it may take 20-30 years, but at this point there is no other option.

    Best thing is to keep living expenses as low as possible, rent cheap or live with family, drive a safe, reliable used car with good gas mileage and do your best to pay things off. Ideally you would pay off the private loans first because they are the most expensive and have the least repayment options. Consolidate your govt loans if you have not already done so to lock in low rates before they rise anymore.

    Consider talking to your dr about lap band or gastric bypass as it almost always improves if not downright cures diabetes and it sounds like your diabetes is out of control from a post I read.

    Good Luck to you!

  3. Thank you for the tips and advice! I have already consolidated my loans so I’m on track there. Hopefully I can find steady employment and at least start paying something on these loans.

    I have asked my doctor about surgery, but since I’ve already lost 100 pounds she thinks I can lose the next hundred on my own and avoid the side effects. I actually do know a women who died because she had a lap band. She just kept losing and losing. I use to babysit her kids and it just makes me nervous about having that done.

  4. Thank you. I think sometimes just knowing that someone out there understands I just need to vent makes things a lot better!

  5. You should still look into income based repayment and see if that is an option. I believe it is still possible if you are in between jobs and then your payment would be nothing and the clock would start ticking for the payoff date. The lenders rarely mention this option because they don’t make money on this arrangement. I’ve read people have gone into default not knowing they could have put their loans on income based repayment so it is something to check into if that would help you.

    You are doing the right thing by living at home till you can debt under control. Again you are not alone, many college grads are living at home to save money. Even though it is not easy, it is the smart thing to do if you have a choice.

    Congrats on the weight loss you’ve already accomplished. That is great. What made me suggest surgery was when you said you had a blood sugar of 600! I would think you would have been hospitalized for a blood sugar that out of control. It’s true surgery has risks, but it is now becoming well known that it can literally cure diabetes and there is interest in offering it to diabetics as opposed for just obesity. It surprises me that she died from a lap band that is usually the safer of the two options. Lap band usually results in a slower weight loss, less total weight loss, but the two good options are its adjustable and also reversible if there are complications. It is considered the better choice if a person wants to get pregnant. I wonder how she died from the lap band? What went wrong and why they couldn’t just reverse the procedure? It is true that there can be complications with either surgery, I’ve read about 30% of people have a variety of complications such as hernias, obstructions, dehydration and electrolyte imbalance, malnutrition, scarring and adhesions;so there are risks. If you can lose weight on your own that is probably the best, but most people can’t. The fact that you have already lost 100 pounds is amazing and great!

    The strange thing is that people who get surgery have an immediate improvement in their diabetes even before they actually lose weight. Why is still a mystery!

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