web analytics

It’s time to admit it…. I’m depressed again

I thought it was something I was finally starting to get over, but the reality is when you have been dealing with depression your whole life and on your own, you can never get over it. It will always be there and a part of my life.

I have been thinking a bit today and I also beating myself up, not because I’m depressed, but because of everything I didn’t do because I am depressed. There are blogging jobs I have not gotten done, many a few months behind. I have stopped working out and even though I have been trying to get out and meet people I have yet to meet a single one.

It’s frustrating when you realize that no one wants to talk to you. At all, not even the friendly cashier at the coffee shop.

I’m going through my phase of no one really likes or cares about me. It’s a hard phase for me as it’s really very true. Though there are about four friends who do care about me, the rest take off when they find a new guy, are mad at me for moving or we have just lost touch and really they are no longer my friends. Truthfully I really only have one I can turn to right now and she’s awesome because she doesn’t put her husband before me if she knows I really need her, I have another I could, but she’s a single mom of three kids, so I try not to bother her much. My other friends, well their guys or problems come first.

Yes, I know I need new friends, but it’s hard to make new friends at 31. By this age most people have kids and they become friends with their kids friends parents. I don’t have kids. It’s hard and frustrating and depressing. I huge horrible circle of mess that keeps me wondering how I”m ever going to get through the rest of my life.

Anxiety sucks.

It does not help my depression. It does not help me make friends and it makes me worry about everything. I have no money so of course, I can’t go out and meet people unless I have money to spend. No one will like me anyway because I’m fat and ugly (tomorrow I will think I’m amazing and beautiful) It’s a tangled web and not something I am proud of but something I have to deal with anyway.


I”m stuck right now at 31 wondering what I am going to do with my life. So far my plans have all failed. I have a useless degree in interior design that I loved but lost my passion due to the crazy amount of debt it took to get the degree and the fact that no jobs exist in Michigan for that. Well, not for someone with no experience.

I would move, but I owe apartment money, that’s now on my credit report, I would start my own business, but again I don’t know anyone. I need and want a change, but really right now I am stuck. I make $800 a month right now and that covers a few of my bills. The rest don’t get paid.

Yes it’s that bad

I’m I looking for pity, no I’m in the place because I am who I am. What I’m writing this for is for others who are depressed to see that there are other people who feel that way too and though your problems may be worse than mine we still have a common pain.

It’s too bad we can’t get help.

You know because getting help cost, well until you kill someone or something, then the taxpayers cover your psychiatrist. Not that I’m going to go kill someone, or myself. My point is that most depressed people don’t have money to get help and people that do don’t always want to admit they need it.

There is really no point to this post. I’m rambling and writing and making myself feel a bit better. Still, I feel sad and lonely, but tomorrow is a new day and maybe just maybe putting my feelings out in the open will help me to work my way back up.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recent Posts