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The Life Effects of Anxiety: My Personal Story

I have been dealing with Anxiety for most of my life, though I didn’t know what it was until about a month ago. I have attacks at random and am convinced the whole world is against me. I know it’s not, but that is what my problem is. It makes it hard for me to have a relationship or even make new friends as I just think everyone is plotting my downfall. It makes it hard to work also as I don’t trust co-workers either. I don’t even trust people who have been my friends forever. It’s hard.

For me I was dealing well with it until about 2 years ago when I started seeing someone and everyone I knew kept telling me everything he did. It was a long distance thing so we decided we would be allowed to see other people and just kind of get to know each other. I had met him before I moved to go to school and we got along well. Neither of us was in a hurry for a relationship so it worked out at first.

The problem came when people decided on their own that we were together and then the phone calls and text started. Two maybe three times a week I heard about him off with someone else. Then the  rumors about him in relationships with other girls and it just got to be too much. It got worse when I moved back as my friends had already decided I should not be around this guy as they didn’t like him and they just pushed and pushed. Now the guy ended up not being the greatest with me, but he’s now in a very committed relationship and I am still going though guy after guy wondering what is wrong with me. At least now I know.

My problem is simple, the minute anyone else is involved or I find out they know a guy I’m interested in I’m done. I snap and I panic. Even on meds I’m still doing this, but it’s only been a month and we had to reduce my meds so I can afford them, so I’m still in that waiting stage. If it still does not help I will be letting my doctor know and just going into a ton of debt that I will never pay. My health is more important then paying my bills right now, because the other choice is a gun in my mouth and I really don’t want to do that.

Anyway my point here is that everyone with Anxiety is different. This is how mine effects me, I have had many other issues that have contributed to this most centered around men who have treated me badly and that’s why I think it’s more noticeable with men, but it happens under any stress. When I first went to get my meds my credit card wouldn’t work. I couldn’t breath and started shaking and I thought someone was going to yell at me. I left the store and got my checkbook and calmed down. Then I was okay, but my pharmacy is very helpful and they make sure they get me what I need without a lot of stress. Its very nice.

I am hoping to start working soon, though I’m scared that I’m going to have to quit again because of this, but I’m going to try. I really need to see a physiatrist, but unfortunately they are expensive and I just can’t afford it. I know this will be a long road, but I want to share it with everyone so those with Anxiety and depression see that others are also dealing with this and they are not alone. I have known too many people who have given into their depression and ended their life’s. If I can help keep someone from doing that by sharing my story, then I will. If you know me, you know I’m a private person and don’t share much, so this is hard for me, but I am going to do this.

*Images take from SmartDriving.uk

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